Only In Korea

This is a common phrase among foreigners who live here.  Apple milk, yogurt drinks, men who wear purses and make-up, and sun umbrellas are as common and a part of life as the shining sun.  We see something that is not something likely to be experienced back home and we smile, "Only in Korea."

Below is a list of different things that I found online, but are absolutely true, of life here.  Things that are super common but that foreigners are taken aback by when they first arrive.

1. You are immune to the smell of "the kimchi breath."
2. You no longer come to a complete stop at the stop sign and you never yield the right-of-way.
3. You can pick up a single strand of noodles with chopsticks.
4. You ask for more "ko-chu" because the kimchi-chige soup is not hot enough.
5. You enjoy slurping your noodles as loudly as you can.
6. Your back is sore from bowing.
7. You walk down the street holding hands with your buddy.
8. You ask your wife to stand outside with a baseball bat to protect your public parking space in front of the house.
9. You can eat barefooted in a restaurant with a foot in your lap.
10. You can cut in at the front of the line of waiting people with the best of them.
11. You look forward to winter in your off post housing so you can store beer and frozen foods in your bedroom or bathroom.
12. You can fall asleep on the city bus and wake up at your stop.
13. You can shovel in an entire bowl of rice and half a course of Bulkogi into your mouth before you swallow.
14. You rather watch local TV than AFKN.
15. You can make a left turn looking only to the right.
16. You can convert any US unit measurements into metric measurements in your head.
17. You look forward to Chusok and the Lunar New Year each year.
18. You think that Korea's greatest natural resource is good looking young women.
19. You only lock your door if there are lots of "Mi-gooks" around.
20. People ask if you want to go by car and you respond, "No, I'm in a hurry."
21. Someone says, "Bed," and you think "Yol."
22. You realize that it is safer to "J" walk than use a pedestrian crosswalk.
23. You wear white socks with a dark suit.
24. You can use a public bathroom for both genders and think nothing of it.
25. You know every interchange on the Seoul-Pusan Expressway by heart.
26. You know all the words to the Korean National Anthem and you enjoy singing it.
27. You don't need a restroom to relieve yourself.
28. You crawl back into your house to get your coat, rather than take your shoes back off and walk on the floor with shoes on.
29. You bow at inanimate objects.
30. You walk around humming the tune the crosswalk signal lights play.
31. You enjoy shopping at a local open market place more than Main PX or Commissary.
32. Someone says breakfast, you think of "fish, soup and seaweed."
33. You'd rather sit on the floor than in a chair.
34. You start believing that you can blend into a large crowd of Koreans.
35. All your shoes are bent flat in the back.
36. You let your eyes be drawn towards any female whose hair isn't black.
37. You answer the phone by saying "yoboseyo," and sometimes even at the office.
38. Someone says "mansion" and you think of a two bedroom flat in a 400-unit apartment building.
39. You mutter "Aigu" when lifting a heavy objects.
40. You suck in air through your teeth before saying "no" to anything.
41. You start growling and spitting inside your mouth to add emphasis to what you are about to say.
42. You can convert Hangul into English without repeating it to yourself first.
43. You always wave your left hand to signal you are going to cut in front of another driver without looking first.
44. You select shoes based on how easily you can get them on and off.
45. You answer "Nhe" even when speaking English to non-Korean friends.
46. You carry chopsticks in your back pocket.
47. You enjoy putting lots of red pepper sauce on your salads or French-fries.
48. You don't freak out when the salad arrives with octopus legs still wiggling on top of it.
49. You are not embarrassed when old ladies are standing in a bus while you are sitting down.
50. You like OB or Crown better than Bud or Miller.

There is more though.  I found this on another site.  And these ones are just as amusing.  Honestly, when we teachers look at these, we bust up laughing because they are true and a great part of this culture.

You know you’ve been teaching English in Korea too long when…

1.  You think 10pm is a reasonable hour for a ten year old to come home from school.

2.  You automatically answer ‘Why?’ in an annoying high pitched squeaky voice when someone asks your name.

3.  You regularly complain about the lack of quality ajumma service in McDonalds.

4.  You no longer casually text or notice something interesting in another cosmetic shop/realtor/mobile phone store when you spot another non-Korean in the crowd, you just blatantly ignore the person.

5.  You find yourself staring at non-Koreans who obviously aren’t English teachers.

6.  Dongshim references aren’t funny anymore.

7.  You sneer at the quality of English material the person on the subway is suggestively angling in your direction.

8.  You find yourself casually humming the theme tune to some beginner phonics book you taught three years ago.

9.  When in your home country you can’t understand why you can’t buy booze in the local shop at 5am and then drink on their veranda outside.

10.  You think that the new variety of Cass out this week really is ‘an improvement’.

11.  You are not afraid of taking the bus.

12.  You ride a scooter.

13.  Twelve months in a hagwon is more than enough experience for every other teaching job in Korea.

There are many good points about teaching English in Korea.

14.  You don’t drink soju … any more.

15.  You have a faultless built in rubric for judging the quality of noraebang, Chuseok presents and countryside love motels.

16.  All things considered, “electronic manic supersonic bionic energy” is a good song lyric.

17.  You can distinguish the flavours in kimchi.

18.  The material in your textbooks is inspiring.

19.  Not without trying, you still can’t remember the point in your childhood when you proudly declared, ‘when I grow up, I want to teach English in South Korea!’

20.  You love stationary shops.

21.  Using the ‘team soap’ at the gym doesn’t bother you.

22.  You’ve forgotten how to use an oven.

23.  You’ve never learned Korean because everyone in your world speaks English anyway.

24.  You just turn up for the buffet at your friend’s wedding.

25.  You prefer red-bean to whipped cream.

26.  You smile politely when someone talks about their job, and then ask for their favourite porn site to rapidly change the subject.

27.  You get all excited when you sit in a car that isn’t a taxi/police car.

28.  You refuse to associate yourself with newbies who talk about their job all the time, drink to much, can’t speak Kor…oh wait…

29.  Forget friends and family, you go home once a year to buy new clothes.

30.  The first year you spent teaching in Korea is still the best year.

31.  You cover your face from the sun.

32.  The magnetism of the English language section in the bookshop is unavoidable.

33.  You didn’t notice that two of the last words in the last point were spelled wrong.

34.  You had to check.

35.  Stopping drinking really isn’t an option anymore.

36.  You now complain about people who complain about complainers.

37.  You don’t go to Hooker Hill any more … except for last weekend because it was someone’s birthday.

38.  The infomercials on AFN are now quite informative.

39.  After taking a shower, you dry your private parts in front of the mirror with a hairdryer for ten minutes.

40.  K-Pop doesn’t bother you.

41.  Being stared doesn’t bother you.

42.  You know the ‘nice’ immigration officers.

43.  You don’t roll on the floor laughing at t-shirt prints anymore.

A Milf Bar? You know you've been in Korea too long when the signs on buildings don't make you laugh as much!

44.  Burger King will always be located opposite Geckos.

45.  You have a sixth sense for spotting new imported products in Emart.

46.  You don’t mind waiting to celebrate Paddy’s Day/July 4^th/Canada Day etc. at the weekend.

47.  You could write a better text book than the one you’ve been told to teach.

48.  After this year you’re definitely moving to Japan.

49.  You don’t know what TOEFL, TOEIC, TEPS or any other English test acronym, stand for.

50.  You would probably get a lower score than most twelve year-old Korean kids in any of the above tests, but thank yourself daily that fortunately you’ll never have to!

 by Conor O’Reilly

Idiot Proofing: These comments are observations not assertions. That means that they may not relate to you, and if they do well then I know that we probably have something in common. Isn’t that lovely?

Also, I know people will copy and paste and email this, don’t be afraid to include my name at the end of it. Most of it is original and inspired by real experiences. Share it around, get a few laughs and also a few moaners who can be torn apart.

Sound!